On Monday night Sexual Health Educator Alix Bacon from SaleemaNoon.com/ did a parent presentation at our school. Today and tomorrow she is presenting to our students in groups of 2-3 classes at a time.
This is what I got out of the parent session…
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When talking about sex, two ideas really struck a chord with me:
1. The younger we bring up the topic, the more comfortable students/kids are talking about protection and prevention later on.
2. Open the lines of communications, and keep them open, and a kid is more likely to come to you for information or tell you a problem. (Rather than turning to the wrong people or relying on the poor judgement of friends.)
Alix spoke about how Predators go after kids that lack information/knowledge and kids that do not have clear boundaries about what is and what isn’t appropriate. This was confirmed with research where predators, who had at least 10 victims, were interviewed and asked what they looked for in a ‘target’. Time and again they looked for the naive, uncertain, kids that had limited knowledge, or vocabulary, pertaining to sex.
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Now, let’s think about online predators for a moment… doesn’t it make sense that they would look for uninformed, unsupervised students? Would they target kids who put all their information online, and don’t understand safety?
Now, let’s think about cyberbullies for a moment… doesn’t it make sense that they would go after kids who they knew couldn’t talk to their parents or teachers about a problem. Kids who sneak behind their parents backs to go online, or who don’t understand the permanence of what they say online?
Maybe it isn’t just sex we should be talking about with kids when they are young?
Maybe protection and prevention are things we should think about online?
Maybe these conversations need to happen both at home and at schools?
Maybe we need to engage with kids on Facebook, or deal with cyberbullying in the classroom, or examine how we can handle issues without ‘slinging mud’.
It is ok to bring in a specialist to make sure a minimal amount of basic background or common language is discussed, but beyond that we need to keep the conversations and the learning going… About sex, about online safety, about appropriate behavior in our schools and community, and about being smart, safe citizens.
Let’s talk about more than just sex.
Yes, David, it is more than the sex talk, it is about safety, it is about being a good citizen online and in the community, it is about being respectful of oneself and others. This is a shared responsibility between school, home, community. I remember 5 or 6 years ago starting my Internet Safety talk with first graders. There was a parent volunteer in the room and she was clearly uncomfortable with where I was going. The students were totally engaged and responding with their answers about being online and playing computer games. The lesson went well, safety rules were generated, students created safety posters to take home with them. The parent spoke to me after class and remarked that she had no idea the implications of her child playing a game on the Internet. She thanked me.
This same scenario happened this year with a parent in a 6th grade class. I had some pretty explicit video to share with students and one talked of suicide. Again I was nervous.
The lesson went well, the students heard the messages and they too created comic posters of Internet Safety rules to post. I spoke to the parent at the end of the lesson. Again, a thank you and “I had no idea this was available and I should be talking to my student about this. I looked around the room and saw my child through your eyes and she has grown up, my conversations need to grow up too.”
The point:
Share the responsibility with parents. Educate the adult community as well as the students!
Kia ora David,
I am heartened to read your post on this important topic. There’s been a lot of discussion ( 1 ), ( 2 ) on this (as you probably realise).
Awareness of the need for vigilance on the part of parents, and schools working with parents is so much where it is at – I believe this ( 3 ).
Good on you for this post. Keep it up. You are a champion!
Ka kite
from Middle-earth
Hi David,
I teach children aged 6 and 7 years old, I also run 3 clubs where I deal with much older children. I also have 2 children of my own….and what has this wealth of encounter taught me?…there is very little that a child will not understand if couched in the appropriate form for their needs. many educators I have met fear that too much awareness at too young an age ruins childhood, however when you come to define 21st century childhood it is completely different from the one I or you grew up in.
Childhood like everything else is defined by the social, political and economic situation of the society that child dwells in.
I think many confuse naivety with childhood, many children in my class have knowledge of things that in my day would have been deemed unsuitable …however that does not make them less a child…it makes them aware….you can tell a child anything if it is at their level, and that child will still be a child.
When a child in my pen pals club asked me …what is a predator?….I simply said that it is a person who does not want good things for you…they accepted it and that was all the explanation needed for these children at this point in their life…as they get older a more concrete definition will need to be applied but right now that is warning enough for my children to act responsibly online. Another super post sir,very appropriate.
By the way as part of the student blogging competition the pupils in my club wanted to know what my favourite blog was…..of course it was yours and the cartoon blog!!!
Silvana
Wow! I am a newbie to this blog. What an article to read for the first time. I am very grateful to you for your honesty and openess about this subject.
Before becoming a parent I had to deal with this subject with my wife. No I didn’t have to ask her about the birds and the bees.
But she came from a very open family. I mean talking about sex around the dinner table was just the same as talking about the Leafs(yes I live close to Toronto).
It was shocking and exhilarting at the same time.
But because she was use to it and received proper answers from her parents as she grew up. She realized that she was less curious about the act. But had the knowledge to make the decision when the time was right for her.
As parents we both realized we wanted the same things for our kids. So we give them straighforward answers that we feel are appropriate for their age.
I am proud of you David for giving direction to all who want to learn. Because isn’t that what it is all about.
Learning…Enjoying…Sharing
Here’s some great discussion about predators from the experts: http://www.covenanteyes.com/blog/2008/10/02/experts-speak-about-internet-predators/
Absolutely Dave, you are so right that we just have to keep kids talking and let them know that absolutely anything is ok to bring up. My own kids are all almost grown, 25, 21, and 14. I’ve found with each of them they go through their teenage years of being horrified about how much I’ll talk about anything. My youngest has recently told me quite up front that I can’t expect she’ll talk with me about “that”. I figure it’s ok though. From my experience, they do come back. I figure my job is really about letting them know that I’m ok with any topic even if they aren’t. And yes, I hope their teachers are doing the same thing. It is and should be very much a shared responsibility. We all have to do what we can with regards to both sex and safety.