Zok-datrussUntil last year, this odd negative/neon image was the only public image you could find of me on the web. In fact currently, many of my online sites still have this image. I like the photo, people who know me recognize me in it, and it was taken on a hot air balloon trip with my wife, so it has fond memories attached. But I decided that since I have been very public with my thoughts and ideas, (as seen on this blog), I would share a bit more of who I am, while on the web. Slowly but surely I have been putting photos on the web with a greater likeness to me. Now I wonder if I should go back to this image? I wonder if I should make my family photos private again? Also, I am keenly aware that at some point in the future I may need to moderate comments on this blog, and I find that sad.

Today I read a horribly upsetting Kathy Sierra post on the Creating Passionate Users blog. Kathy has been the victim of some anonymous, vulgar, sexist vandals… that have gone so far as to issue death threats. I am not linking to the actual post since, although I truly empathize with how difficult this has been for her, I don’t like the approach of the post. Kathy shares, in detail, all of the words, images and internet pseudonyms of the people that have put her in considerable distress. Personally, I think that gives the vandals too much credit/recognition that they certainly don’t deserve (I said this in one of the 1,000+ comments currently on this post).

This comes after reading Kelly Christopherson’s post Masked Commentors just over a week ago. As he states about the first comment on his school blog, “it wasn’t necessarily positive and it used a bit of profanity… I know that even these comments have nuggets that I need to mine and use to become a better leader and person.”

I must admit to having difficulty seeing the nuggets sometimes. Instead, I see the miner covered in soot.

These are filthy crimes. They are not victimless. They are not funny. They are hurtful.
"caffine required"

I got hit with this kind of abuse a couple years ago. I have a website that I go to for drawing faces in art. I used to sign my work with a pseudonym rather than my real name when I saved portraits that I created into the public gallery, (I expected the same from my students). I would use these saved images in the following years as examples of what students could do. Two years ago when I did a search for my pseudonym in the gallery there were derogatory sketches and comments that came up in the search that were directly aimed at ‘Mr. Truss’.

  inseperable  "maybe 3"

Neither of these last two situations compare with the anguish that Kathy is experiencing… in fact she may very well depart from the blogosphere as a result of this… (which would be horrible, and I am saddened by the potential loss). However, these situations do make me think of the potential perils of teachers and administrators having a public face on the internet. It only takes one malicious person to be hurtful, one ‘bad apple’ to spoil the pie.

There is a saying I love to use:
“Don’t wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.”

This is fairly easy to do with an angry person… simply choose not to engage in their dirty approach.

However these kind of hurtful, hateful on-line vandals bring the mud to the fight. They hurl it at you and get you dirty whether or not you choose to engage. Combating this is not easy: It takes courage, it takes thick skin, it takes effort to choose a moral stance; to avoid slinging mud. As a result, it leaves me wondering… How do you stop these malicious people from getting the best of you? Beyond not giving the offenders any credit or notoriety, and beyond ‘turning the other cheek’, what else can be done?

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Anti-Cyberbullying Day – Friday, March 30th, 2007

Originally posted: March 28th, 2007

Reflection upon re-reading and re-posting:

I just recently referenced this post, and used the ‘wrestle with a pig’ quote in a comment on a Clay Burell post. (I would like to link to Dan Meyer’s post too- the lessons learned in any conflict are usually found in attempts at resolution.) I mention this here because I think Clay touched on the question that I ended the post with. Sometimes a fight is what is needed. Sometimes standing up for yourself is necessary. Sometimes expressing your dissatisfaction can be helpful, even healthy.

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I thought this next point was going to be the subject of a new post, but I’ll share it here now:

‘Be Careful What You Say Online!”

A few months ago my blog on Eduspaces ended up getting referenced in German, Italian, and also in the language of Bahasa (I had a student’s mom translate it for me:-)

I ‘del.icio.us-ed’ these (for myself-not shared) and in the ‘notes’ section made comments about the reference. Shortly after the reference in Bahasa, I was quoted in a Spanish blog*. I was amazed that there was “yet another reference to my blog” in another language “that I don’t understand”, and what you see in quotes is roughly what my notes on delicious said. It was meant as a private note to myself, and its’ intent was astonishment at my sudden international link-love.

Well, it turns out that I did not click the ‘do not share’ check-box. And suddenly I had a very public, and easily interpreted as flippant or rude, note about someone’s blog… someone who took that time to write very positively about both me and my blog. This person, (who remains anonymous here because I did not ask first if I could share this), found my delicious link reference and wrote me an email that stated how rude my note was… and I have to agree, “yet another reference to my blog that I don’t understand” is hardly a polite comment to come across!

Two quotes that have served me well in my life are:

Think Good Thoughts, Say Good Words, Do Good Deeds.

and

The meaning of communication is the response that you get.

My thoughts were good, my words were poor, and I needed to apologize. What I communicated was not my intention, and the response clearly told me of MY error. I have since apologized, but still feel regret for my poor choice of words. It was a very real reminder that there is an underlying responsibility for what we put online.

Stand Up!

The hidden lesson in this takes me back to my post above and what Clay and the e-mail I received can tell us: When we feel wronged it is vital to ‘stand up’ and say so! I believe that the art and skill of communication is deciding how to do this. Having said that, I think that both Clay and Dan could have handled their issue better, but who am I to ‘cast a stone‘?

Clay felt wronged and spoke up. My blog referencer felt wronged and spoke up. Sometimes it isn’t enough to ‘turn a cheek’ or a ‘blind eye’. Sometimes we need to let others know that we feel wronged. On the other side of the fence, sometimes we need to apologize and mean it… and sometimes we need to do more than that to make things right!

*[Update: Please see the first comment on this new post by Gabriela Sellart. I did not initially name her as the author of the Spanish-Written Post that I del.icio.us-ed because I wrote this after midnight and had not asked her if she wanted this to be public. Her comment is both honest, and insightful and pays tribute to the point of this reflection. Thanks (again) Gabriela!]

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A final note: Kelly’s comment on my original post brings up the point that we need to teach these life-lessons to students:

Dave,

I agree that what is happening to Kathy is completely different than what has happened to me. My suspicion is that I have a student who likes to vent and this is their forum for doing so. It is a chance to talk about being anonymous and using pseudonyms when on the net. We truly need to discuss this in our classrooms, our schools, our communities and our nation. It is important that, with the dawning of a new era in communication and “community” building, we do not permit people like those who are bullying Kathy. For someone to do such a thing is truly a criminal offense. I agree with the stop cyberbullying campaign and will pass this on to all the teachers in my school. As educators, we need to take this to our students and go beyond. There is a lesson here that is greater than any curriculum we teach – it is about life, freedom and respect. Thanks for the message Dave!

Kelly Christopherson

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Think good thoughts, say good words, do good deeds.

Peace.

2 comments on “Vandals, Vulgarity and Victims

  1. Dave, I think I sent you that email not only because I was angry (and I was really angry) but most of all because I knew it was worth telling you the way I felt. I had a high opinion about you (still have) that’s why I didn’t make this incident public. As we kept it private, we were able to listen to each other, and not only settle down the argument but learn something from the situation.
    I think we should always stand up for our rights. To get the result we want, we should choose our strategy wisely. It depends on whether we want to confront or make peace.
    Thanks again (now in public) for answering my angry email in such a way that I could read your thoughts.
    g

  2. Thank you Gabriela,

    Very well said! I value the lesson that you taught me, and I really appreciate your comment here.

    I think the lesson is valuable enough to share publicly, but it is a tribute to your own character that you chose to use e-mail and keep it private.

    Dave.

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