“…this ‘friend as co-learner’ role is
not an automatic thing for students…
It is a learned thing, and something
we need to help students with.
Schools are ideal places for this!”
Many friends have inspired me to write blog posts in the last year. I’d guess that if you went back over any given year’s worth of posts on pairadimes, probably 1/3 of them link to someone who has written something that inspired me to write my own post.
Chris Wejr recently wrote about meeting online friends, for the first time, at a conference: ‘Meeting Old Friends For The First Time’ and yet again I’m inspired to write! Chris said,
“I have never met so many people for the first time… Whom I already knew”. There were plenty of smiles, handshakes, and even hugs as so many people were excited to connect with those who they had been “speaking” with for the past few months or years.
And also,
“I have always realized the power of social media as a professional development tool; I never could have imagined the resulting connections and face to face relationships. These relationships will never replace those within my school and district but social media has added so many passionate people to my professional learning network and, combined with conferences, truly has led to the feeling of meeting old friends for the first time.”
I’ve felt, and written about, this too! In defragging my brain after BLC08 I said,
Here are some brief ‘take-aways’ to jot down before things spill out and away. […]
2. Online networks develop meaningful friendships. I’m blown away by the immediate connection I made with so many people in my Twitter network.
3. Face-to-face meetings with your network are powerful… very powerful.
And in a comment response Lisa Thumann said,
Your points 2 and 3 hit home with me. The people that I click with in my online network I tend to click with F2F. It’s powerful. Time needs to be set aside for meaningful conversation. I believe someone has echoed that on Chris Lehmann’s post about at Educon 2.1 that the social time to reflect and discuss together in an informal setting is just as important if not more important as the structured setting. It was fantastic meeting you face-to-face.
In commenting on Chris’ post I contributed these two points (actually questions):
1. Is it a generational thing that we place so much value on face-to-face meetings as an essential part of knowing someone?
2. Don’t students deserve to connect to peers in this same, powerful & meaningful way?
I’ll tackle discussing #2 first: I’m blown away by the meaningfulness of my online connections to different people. Students are people too. Let’s make sure we are providing them with opportunities to network and to meet friends from around the world. It’s a huge double-standard to see the value in it for ourselves and then not allow students to do the same. Some of my best learning happens because of my social network connections… let students do the same… create opportunities for this to happen!
With respect to #1: I don’t really like Facebook, despite talking about it twice already here on pairadimes. But I use Facebook to: a) Share my blog in a way some people prefer to read it; b) Share one-way communication, such as photos of the holiday I’m on now, which I auto-post to Facebook without visiting it; and, c) Respond to people who comment, message, or share things with me there. Beyond that, I never go to Facebook. If someone pokes me, I don’t get a message about it. I’ll poke them back when (c) happens. If that’s not good enough, don’t poke me, message me.
So, with that background knowledge, I’ll say that I am connected on Facebook to over 200 educators that I barely know, and the count is probably closer to 2,500 on Twitter. I have decided to ‘friend’ them on one simple criteria: They have connected to other educators on Facebook that I also have ‘friended’, or they have something on their Twitter profile to suggest they are educators. I know nothing else about them.
What does being a friend online mean?
I would argue that most students know better than us how to make differentiated distinctions about what ‘friends’ means. However, the students who don’t get this are the ones we read about that have been lured by predators or who say disparaging things and publicly injure others with their words. These latter students are who policy-makers (at all levels) vehemently try to protect all students from with their bans, rules and restrictions… This also bans and restricts students who use social networks well; who use their networks to engage with peers in meaningful ways like Chris Wejr describes. Although, this ‘friend as co-learner’ role is not an automatic thing for students… It is a learned thing, and something we need to help students with. Schools are ideal places for this!
How is a friend different face-to-face vs online?
When online, ‘friends’ could mean more than just a connection and it could also mean less. It’s no different than having close friends and also acquaintances that we call friends in real face-to-face life. (I originally wrote ‘real life’ but my digital life is very real.) We don’t go around saying, “These are my friends Billy and this Johnny, Billy is my best friend, and well, Johnny is just a sort-of-friend,” (unless we are in Grade 1). We call them both friends.
I have family, friends, former students, a handful of current students, and acquaintances I barely know connected to me in many different places online. I speak differently on different networks, but not because I’m hiding something, just because my audiences are different. There is nothing wrong with that… we don’t talk to friends in a bar or at a social gathering the same way we talk to them at school. The only difference is that we need to be careful to make all of our conversations ‘appropriate’ to share online ‘at all times’. I’ll occasionally use a swear word hanging out with friends, (not a huge confession there), but I try to be much more careful everywhere online… even in email. This was learned… not innate. Students need to learn this too. It needs to be both modelled and taught by parents and educators!
What do I think about all of this?
I think that some of my online friends have more meaning to me than some people I’ve worked in the same building with. I think others are just connections, friends-of-friends-of-friends, that just happen to be in my network. I think that most students get these differences, but again, this is something that we need to model.
When I went to the Flatclassroom Conference in Beijing I met Kim Cofino, Vicki Davis and Julie Lindsay for the first time. They have been in my digital neighbourhood for years. They have been incredible teachers and mentors. It didn’t matter that I’d never met them before. I also both connected with and met (in that order) Colin Gallagher @colingally for the first time and became instant friends. I met a dozen more educators I could link to and share stories about too, but the four connections above exemplify my points:
If I had not met Kim, Vicki and Julie I would still be learning from them and having meaningful conversations with them online. The face-to-face meeting was a wonderful opportunity, an honour, and a privilege that I’m happy for, but I didn’t need it to be meaningfully connected to them.
Colin would have been someone I might have met at a conference, maybe had a single conversation with, then never spoken to again. Thanks to twitter we met up socially, shared an adventurous cab ride back to our hotel, and now still connect with one another and learn from each other after the conference.
I haven’t even touched on Chris Wejr and Lisa Thumann’s points about making time for these connections to happen at conferences, but that’s a whole other post… maybe part of my FlatClassroom Conference reflection that I still have to do.
In conclusion:
I have friends in both worlds, digital and face-to-face. In both worlds, some friends mean a lot, others don’t. Regarding the ones that I truly value, I want these connections to merge in meaningful ways and in both worlds. I want students to be able to do the same, and we need to help them with this.
I, like you, have been educated, blessed, influenced, encouraged, humored by many people that I have met online (virtual friends…if I might label them that). I have also been blessed to have had the opportunity of also meeting many of these “virtual friends” in Face to Face opportunities. And as you said so eloquently — “The face-to-face meeting was a wonderful opportunity, an honour, and a privilege that I’m happy for.”
I agree with you that our students need those opportunities as well….and need to be encouraged to create vital and influential “friendships” online….perhaps with people that they might never ever meet face to fact – yet will still have a strong impact on who they are and will become.
But I also agree that as educators, we need to provide opportunities more for our students TO interact with people F2F as well.
Perhaps this could happen more in upcoming conferences where we not only expect but encourage student voices to be intertwined and overlapping those of adults. The CUE conference has a student showcase where students interact and also the http://www.mediafestival.org/ where students should be able to interact — but I am not sure how much time is allowed to do so.
Plus, giving them the opportunity to see the adults which are influencing them as well….such as town hall meetings, attending live TED conversations, etc…..is important.
In no way am I saying that F2F relationships ARE a necessity to make a virtual friendship real. But I do need to honestly say that those with whom I first began a virtual friendship with — once I had sat down F2F at a table and talked eye-to-eye, laughed, and conversed — in almost every case, that friendship was extended even more than I could have have anticipated.
I enjoyed your post — and enjoyed our chat on twitter about it — am not sure if I formulated my thoughts as well as I had hoped to….
but enjoyed this post —
Thank you for letting me share my thoughts.
Jennifer
The nature of relationships online is a subject deep enough and worth revisiting. I guess we do mentally review this often, whether we make it a post or not.
In my case, living no less than 16 hours away by plane from everyone I call part of my network, I can only agree that whether we ever meet f2f or not, it won’t change the value I assign to these relationships. Not one bit.
I don’t lose hopes of our geographies coming closer one day. Althoug most of you agree that you haven’t been disappointed by meetings at conferences, I wouldn’t make that an expectation. To my mind, we don’t really need to be friends in a classic way. This is new and important for what it is. Hey! We’ve been talking and sharing since 2007. Who would have predicted this present back then? As David puts it, as long as our conversations are meaningful, they’ll be valuable.
I sense we’ll go on about this in due time. For now, I like to think that our students need our help to have meaningful conversations regardless of the media.
Hello David and all,
Thank you for this timely post.
My name is Bill Belsey. I am a Canadian educator who currently teaches grade five in a rural public school in the foothills of the beautiful, Canadian Rocky Mountains. If you have a moment, please drop by and visit our class Website at http://www.coolclass.ca or Google “Canada’s Coolest Class” and click on “I’m Feeling Lucky”.
My grade fives and I have been discussing the issue of healthy relationships, in person and online, as a part of our Health curriculum.
As a result of our discussions, we are asking questions such as, “How are today’s information and communication technologies affecting relationships and perhaps more provocatively, “What is the future of friendship?”
We would be most grateful if you and your students would please take ten minutes to complete our anonymous, online survey at:
https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/6PYZPL5
We realize that our survey is not meant to be comprehensive or “professional” in any way, it is simply our modest attempt to try to take a sample of some current attitudes, behaviours and opinions with respect to technology use and relationships.
We have a project blog that you are most welcome to explore, contribute to and give us feedback about at:
http://www.thefutureoffriendship.org
Please feel free to share this invitation with your contacts and networks as the more people of all ages who participate in our survey, the greater our learning will be on this subject.
On behalf of my great grade five class, I want thank you very much for your time and consideration of our project.
Yours in friendship (I hope! 😉 and learning,
Bill Belsey
Grade Five Teacher
http://www.coolclass.ca
“Canada’s Coolest Class!”
Great comments Jennifer & Claudia!
I also enjoyed (rereading) both your posts: Jennifer’s 140 Characters Does Not A Friend Make… and also Claudia’s post this inspired Twitter Friends (It’s not just me that is inspired to write by other great bloggers!)
I confessed to it, and Jennifer emphasized it, there is a whole other post here that needs to be written about the value of face-to-face meetings for digital friends.
If I never met them again, Liz Davis @lizbdavis and Darren Kuropatwa @dkuropatwa will be connections that I consider valued friends in a way that is difficult to describe without the f2f connections we made at BLC08 & BLC09.
However, I’ve never met Claudia Ceraso and although I hope I do, I’m not sure that I ever will, yet she is a perfect example of someone that has transcended the need to meet f2f. (I didn’t even know what she looked like for 3+ years, until happening upon a friends Facebook page after he met her f2f.)
I remember writing in a blog post that after a year of reading blog posts & commenting (before Twitter) I had learned more from Claudia than I had from someone teaching in the same school as me for years. Rather than a sad statement about my in-building connections (I was at a great school where teachers were always learning and talking about big ideas), rather it was a statement to share just how powerful the online connections can be… and still are for me.
Again, thanks for your contributions.
~
Bill, I’m on holidays for a week. I’ll do the survey myself & share your links on Twitter, but beyond my own daughters I am sorry that I won’t personally be getting any students to contribute to your survey this week. Thanks for your visit and your comment.
I’m doing my MEd at SFU on this very topic. I lived my thesis at the edtechbc conference last week when I too shared those same experiences that Chris Wejr wrote about in his post. I think it’s vital that we guide our students and our children in using technology to develop and enrich powerful learning relationships with others. After the conference and talking with Chris, the Couros brothers, Claire and others, I’ve shifted the language in my thesis and now have ‘digital citizenship’ as one of the main themes. Thanks for posting, you’re helping to push my thinking even further!
David!
have you seen what Shelly Terrel posted about this topic? She emphasizes how the experience of having connected with people before meeting F2F at the conference contributes greatly to your experience:
http://teacherbootcamp.edublogs.org/2011/04/29/two-the-power-of-educators-on-social-networks/
Anyway, we all need different people in order to discuss different things. My online PLN is supportive of my excitement about a lesson plan while our family friends are the ones I would discuss my children with…
Hi David,
Thank you! I, too, am “blown away” by the meaningfulness of my online connections. You do well to show the parallels between online and offline relationships here and the varying layers they ensue.
This post couldn’t have come at a better time for me… I’ve lately been ‘defending’ my online virtual world to many. I haven’t gotten around to finishing my own post on the subject, just yet, so I will instead take up your comments section :-). Thank you! (Seems to be a commonality for us long-winded folks)
I’ve been accused of such things as absurd as having no life, having a ‘problem’ with technology addiction, that online behavior like tweeting and blogging is merely attention seeking behavior for folks with a low self-esteem, etc. While I do not have concrete data to back up this claim just yet, I’ll go out on a limb regarding your Question #1 above and say yes, it is absolutely a generational thing that we place so much emphasis on face-to-face meetings as an essential part of knowing someone. No doubt, F2F meetings solidify relationships. The very nature of what the term relationship means is changing. And, change takes time. Perhaps generational isn’t the best word. It is a bit linear. It seems more of a mindset that may or may not be specific to generation gaps.
It also seems that some folks are just further along in their perception of the virtual world and what it all really means. Meaning, those who criticize online relationships as not being real haven’t experienced their power just yet, as we have. I have recommended anthropologist Amber Case’s TEDtalk “We Are All Cyborgs Now,” so much lately that I am beginning to feel like her PR rep.(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1KJAXM3xYA). Case studies the symbiotic interactions between and alludes to the notion that in many ways, technology is not dehumanizing us, but instead making us more human as we find newer and more powerful means of connectedness.
All in all, it is all a matter of perception and for most people, perception IS reality. My virtual world has zero to do with attention-seeking and everything to do with learning from others more knowledgeable than me. Teaching is a tough business in the US right now and my passion drives me to do whatever I can to make my classroom (or, learning space, as I like to call it) a better, more engaging place for my students. We absolutely do need to help students learn the notion of ‘friend as co-learner’ and help them understand that in many instances, ‘network’s are as informational as they are social. As our public and private lives continue to co-mingle, it is important that we appropriately model how we present ourselves to the word, at all times.
As always, thanks for encouraging participation in your discussion. Enjoy your holiday!
@Bill,
AFTER posting my comment above, I scrolled back through the other comments and took your survey. Then, I checked out your very cool Future of Friendship project. Great idea! Then, and only then, did I notice the link to your last blog post: Amber Case ~ We Are All Cyborgs Now. Ironically, that is the link I posted in my comment as I included it in a blog post of my own on April 3, 2011. That video really spoke to me. Apparently I wasn’t the only one. 😉 Isn’t it funny how very like-minded individuals so easily come together in an online space? Just wanted you to know I wasn’t reposting your idea, so-to-speak.
Take care,
Suzie
Thanks for the comments!
Errin,
I wonder about ‘digital citizenship’ just as I wonder about ‘cyberbullying’… To me they are only subsets to the all-encompassing ‘Citizenship’ and ‘Bullying’. I sometimes think that while it is good to bring attention to these things, it also differentiates them as ‘other than’ what they really are. ‘Digital citizenship’ is simply Citizenship that is practiced in a digital space. ‘Cyberbullying’ is Bullying that happens in a digital space. We don’t talk about ‘playground bullies’ vs ‘hallway bullies’… a bully is a bully is a bully. I’ve discussed this before, but can’t seem to find where?
Naomi,
Thanks for the link to Shelly’s post, I think it is an excellent post which adds value to the conversation here!
Suzie,
I had an excellent comment discussion with Kim Cofino on the issue of blurred lines between work/personal life and the value of connecting to your PLN (yes, even sometimes at work), here is the start of it. Here is another comment where I shared some more perspective on the topic.
We are cyborgs now. I won’t apologize or justify it any more. The only time it is an issue is when it takes away from my family time, and that’s a balance I have a responsibility to figure out and prioritize for.
One issue I plan to talk about in a future post is the whole ‘attention seeking’ thing. The reality is that I unashamedly want more attention… but not for the reasons people think. I’m not looking for fame or a new job. I’m looking to be the greatest influence I can be and a bigger audience to my blog means I have more influence, richer conversations, and more opportunities to learn. If I didn’t want that, I’d journal privately and not blog.
I have incredible learning conversations with my digital friends, of which 98%+ of them are on ‘my own time’. As I said on the link above,
‘This is my entertainment. This is my reflection. This is my opportunity to learn. I enjoy it… thoroughly!’
David, as always your online conversation and the people who participate create thought provoking and more meaningful than most conversations I have in my usual face-to-face working day.
You may be interested in the most recent Flat Classroom Project keynote video created by Alan Levine, (I hope my HTML works here) We, Our Digital Selves, and Us. Excellent conversations happening around this as to whether we are the same people online as we are off line.