It was only two nights after Christmas and both kids were tucked away in bed. Then the older of the two came from her bedroom and, doing all that she could to contain her tears, she sat on her mother’s lap.
“Mummy, I think I’m old enough to know and I want you to tell me the truth… is there really such a thing as Santa?”
We already knew it was to be her last Christmas fully believing in the magic of Santa. Most of her friends were already non-believers and she would often ask us “Do you believe in Santa?”
“Well what do you think dear?”… “Yes, that sounds about right,” we would say… agreeing with her rather than outright admitting our view… Our way of making a BIG LIE into a small (innocent) lie… a way for us to keep the magic alive and the spirit in our hearts as much as in our children’s.
“I need to know, please just tell me the truth.”
It was not a conversation we had prepared for. Our little girl is growing up and just like when she finally said, “Daddy, you aren’t really taking your thumb off, are you?” after the 150th time that I showed her that silly little trick, it was time to be honest and strip a little more magic and wonder out of young child’s mind.
We told her the spirit of Christmas is true and real and that it exists in our love for each other, and in our joy in spending time together at Christmas time. We said that being able to give to others and the warm feelings we have when we do nice things for others, that is the spirit of Christmas but physically, no, there isn’t a Santa per say. We spoke openly and also cautiously, restoring what might have been feelings of betrayal, with some candy-coated honesty… attempting to keep the spirit of Santa alive, while killing the mystery of reindeer flying around the globe in a single night and fitting a portly, pear-shaped and jolly man through chimneys, keyholes and the smallest of cracks.
“Don’t worry, I won’t tell my sister.”
An unsolicited comment that reminds us that yes, our daughter is truly growing up, and accepting the responsibility that comes with age… with being the oldest.
“I think I’ll feel better about this as time goes by.”
Yes you will.
I stayed with her until she fell asleep. Answering questions, and sharing some of my memories. I reminded her of how we answered her questions with questions, and that seemed to comfort her. She understood the intent behind our deflection of her questions… but now was a time for Truth. Her questions kept coming, her faith in us to tell her the truth, fully restored.
“So what about Rudolph?” – Created for a department store commercial.
“So what about the cookies we leave out?” – Why do you think your dad always insisted on your mom’s homemade chocolate chip?
“So what about the Tooth Fairy?” – Oh, did the conversation have to go there? Must she ask this as well tonight? So much innocence and magic lost in a single conversation!
Soon sleep prevailed for the young girl and it was time for two parents to gave each other a supportive hug.
And so where do we go now? How do we keep the magic alive?
It is time now to help our child grow up… but not with stories of sadness and heartache, there is plenty of time for her to discover those things… what we need to do now is to show her the beauty, the mystery and the magic that life has to offer:
* The beauty of a sunset over the ocean.
* The mystery of Fibonacci found in a shell, a leaf, or a sunflower.
* The magic of a single cell splitting again and again and becoming…us!
And let us not forget the spirit of giving… the joy that comes from believing… and the strength of love that bonds a family together.
Was it a night of lost innocence? Perhaps, but whose innocence? A young child’s on her way to adulthood, or two parents who want to hold on to the magic as much as they want their children to?
‘Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!’
Well, that brought a tear to my eye! I remember a similar conversation with my own daughter and a story I found on the Internet (even better than Santa? 🙂
that gave me an idea for helping her develop her own joy in the spirit of giving. http://www.beliefnet.com/Inspiration/2006/12/The-Christmas-Coat.aspx
Thanks for sharing.
Lesley
Beautiful! One of those moments that changes everything. Thank you for sharing and all the best in the New Year for you and your family!
It sounds like you handled it perfectly. Thanks for sharing the moment with us. You brought a tear to my eye.
Hope all is well.
-Liz
Though Santa does not visit our Baha’i home (we have the Ayyam-i-Ha Camel), our son has recently lost his first two teeth, and the Tooth Fairy did visit. I cling to the magic, and his wonder. So many times this last year, when he asked me, “Are Transformers real?” or “Are mermaids real?” I opted for the honest but gentle answers. I spoke of how fun it was to think about them, and what a great thing imagination is. But I couldn’t resist the power of the Tooth Fairy. He’s still trying to figure out how to get to Toothfairy Land, which we found on the internet when he wanted to know where she lives. “Around the ninth cloud to the east, and over the lavender fairy bridge. Just down the big sky road…”
I still don’t understand this burning need to keep this kind of magic alive, but I’m willing to. Thank you for sharing your experience. Sometimes it’s okay to just go with your heart.
Welcome to the grown-up parents’ club. I remember going through very similar conversations with each of my three kids – now 21, 19 and 13. And you know what? They still leave a “Santa sack” out every Christmas Eve, whether we are at home or away at an extended family Christmas. As much as they groan on Christmas morning when their younger cousins wake, it’s still a magic time with family, and they wouldn’t swap it for anything.
Hello again.
Last time we talked, we talked about hockey and Usain Bolt. Well an exiting thing in hockey for Canada is that they have named the team! If you watch the NHL and you want to know the players for team Canada, I have made a post that you might want to look at. Here is the link: http://dannyh4.edublogs.org/2010/01/12/olympic-hockey/ I have also made a post about Usain Bolt, and it’s all about the amazing things he did! Here is the link: http://dannyh4.edublogs.org/2010/01/05/usain-bolt/ I want to thank you for the couple of great comments you gave me. I think you inspired me to make great comments like you. Thank you.
Great post Dave. I know with my oldest it was a big moment. My youngest who is 10 I believe is still milking it for all she is worth. Have yet to be able to determine whether she believes for real, or is just playing it out so as not to spoil a good thing. Interestingly enough, she won’t watch the Polar Express movie.
The Tooth Fairy I could personally do without as I never have change to put under the pillow. I think the tooth fairy should be able to pay by electronic deposit. That would be Tooth Fairy 2.0 I believe.
What an amazingly touching post – poetic, too. Thank you for sharing this, Dave.
Love this reflection on one part of being a parent. Thanks, David for sharing the link on twitter. My girls are now in their 30s and while memories fade with the years, you got this old guy thinking back… Merry Christmas.